A gayt (pronounced great) initiative

The state of affairs on the homosexual front though not too charming are humanizing steadily. Manvendra Singh Gohil’s old age home for the elderly homosexuals is an exceptional example to cite. Manvendra comes from a background that has boasted royalty for over 6 centuries. He is openly gay since two years and has been an enormous advocate for homosexuals. I cannot fathom the thought that has gone into starting such a novel project. In this homophobic land of ours, homosexuals who are out, are met with socially outrageous circumstances. If people in their prime are treated as outcasts, I can’t comprehend what elderly homosexuals in dire need of assistance have to go through.

In this demanding world where family relationships are as brittle as they could be, where appointments are necessary to see your own kith and kin – indulging the elderly homosexual demographic would be a herculean task. In a society where homosexuality is still a criminal act, the 39-year-old prince, who was disowned by his royal family for coming out with his sexual orientation, felt that there was a strong need of a support system for such people - a gallant act that necessitates appreciation. The ashram is to be built on the banks of Narmada and will be a joint effort of the Gohil’s Lakshya Trust and Narmade Har Sevashram Trust.

HIV is a common ailment faced by homosexual people and the old age home intends to educate and help people affected through an advanced medical unit. HIV awareness is not too extensive in the Indian demographic; this initiative to address such an imperative issue is noteworthy. In his highness words, he says the crematorium planned, is to ensure the gays and HIV patients receive same honor as any other -even after they pass away.

Here comes the punch line from the prince if you guys don’t object me adding the adjective - with great splendor. The old age home is open to all and doesn’t discriminate if a person is not gay or if that person is not HIV positive.

Here is a lesson to all of us.
Good look Prince Gohil. For all your noble deeds, you will still be a prince to me even if your family disowned you.

It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed

I've been riding bikes since I was 10 years old, starting with a Bajaj chetak my dad used for work. The scooter was what I’d love to call a limited edition. It was insanely heavy and for some reason it found a stable place in my heart. I remember taking it out every weekend and trying to max the speed limit on it. I just can’t remember the number of times my dad or his colleagues caught me speeding or jumping high up on a road bump. That would just result in me not being able to ride the bike for a couple of weeks ~ a fair bargain. Even the word Ecstatic I believe, cannot do justice to what I felt when I popped my first wheelie. When I showed my dad the same trick, I was completely deprived of the bike for a long long time.

I think it's very clear-cut: you either have motorcycles in your blood or you don't, and once that experience is there, it never fades away. It can be pushed back and down, but it never goes away.

My protracted and meandering journey with the bikes I’ve ridden till date has been a testimony on how to subdue and endure this passion. As I matured, I began to drop the need-for-speed and revitalize my motorcycle-riding experience into a pleasure enhancing adventure out into the world. There were occasional wheelies and stoppies just for the heck of it. You tend to respect that beast of a machine more each day. To me it was like having a soul mate. I fell in love with my ZZR, I named Dhannu (after a fable about a donkey my dad used to say while I was a kid) and I don’t think I can love anybody else (well except my folks) that way. You know how you get a warm feeling in you when you see somebody you really like. How your face canNOT stop smiling when that person approaches you. How you spend your nights knowing you would see the person again the following day. As creepy as it might sound that is exactly how I loved my bike. There is this girl who kinda made my heart dance a little recently which coincidentally reminded me of my bike and here you go a write up on my love. My only love!!

You share a bond with that special friend or whoever, and they can complete your sentences, sense how you would react to something, like you-for what you are and love you-for your defects. I feel my Dhannu completes me. I remember all those twists I took on those mountains I was riding. The bike was also a part of me contemplating those adrenaline gushing turns. This feeling is inexplicable and only those who are as crazy as me about these mean machines can understand what I am talking about.

It could be explained in the words of Paul Tetul (If I have to explain who this is, you are not qualified enough to read this!!)

You're the guy that'll be sneaking out of your bedroom at three o'clock in the morning to look at your bike. ~Paul Teutul, Sr., American Chopper, "Billy Joel"

I have seen past reminiscences invigorated into a smile as people who use to ride come over and talk to me about this bike: it has mystique and a bad-boy reputation and I can't go out on it without someone customarily sticking up a thumb in admiration or giving me a big grin as I glide by or pull up to a light (Yeah I used to stop at lights!). I hope I won’t be one of “those” who “used” to ride. There were days when I used to think ~ a day not ridden is a day lived short. It’s been a year and 2 months I have lost out of my precious life. When snow could not deter me from riding how a puny little job could bum me out of it?

Hang in there my friend, I will be there with you shortly or I shall die trying.

The wretched magnificence of a modern world revolutionist.

Che, the one who wanted to heal, curtail pain, rally round a hand and felt commiserate with the suffering masses/ widespread poverty did much more than what his university or med-school taught him. He invoked a sense of freedom, passion, hope to revolutionaries and non revolutionaries alike. The world as always, did everything in its fraudulent hands to tarnish what he has built, advocated his ideals as extreme and Marxist. Ill let it be that way.

All of a sudden, you should be wondering why I am writing about this fallen hero! I chanced upon an advertisement online selling Che Guevara T shirts, nothing new to most of us. But, comparing El Che to Gabbar Singh, a puny villain in a Hindi movie?!
Outrageous I say!
Abomination is the feeling.
Gabbar is a fun character, I agree but don’t we need to draw a line as to where we need to stop. So all those idiots out there who think Che print T shirts are in thing and all – please do realize this idiosyncratic gentleman is a war hero, a knight who braved any obstacle that came his way so that there could be more quality, more freedom in people’s lives.

If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine – Ernesto “Che” Guevara

La leyenda viva del Che Guevara

(Che's pic - Wikipedia)

Clink clink!

Here I am wedged in a “sleeper” bus back to Bangalore (a place I cannot get myself to call-my new home). To many of you, who do know why – let me spare you the details.. To those who don’t, read my previous blog post. You basically buy a ticket in this so called sleeper bus for a 5 ½ by 1 ½ berth which is a tad less than what you get when they put you to rest. Being the claustrophobic that yours truly is its really hard to move let alone align your thoughts. This “dude” is rocking to his songs just below me. Wait a second, do I hear….backstreet boys. Bada Bing! That is the only thing you gawt right in the whole night, I say to myself albeit the mellifluous snore of my fellow passenger strumming for the same!

After spending quality time with people I love to identify as friends, I guess this is little price to pay.

Am I complaining?!

Looks like it. Yes I am!

But hey! What the heck?! Life could be better.

For once I should be allowed to take credit for what I do. For once the one I “have to” look up to could stop tweaking my emails using ms word. Thanks but, no thanks. For once those people that need my approval for everything refer to their guidelines before getting me involved. You dimwits, it is for you those guidelines have been set up. For once my ideas should be considered before they are dubbed “innovative” and shut down. So I intend to dedicate this post to one and all, except you!

Clink clink! (Proposing the toast)

To all those who are bold enough to try something new, not because you were left with no choice, but you believe in it – take a sip.

To all those who think about doing something you are passionate about and care about – you are almost there – you get to take a sip too’

To all those who think there is nothing called passion, I need a great life, a great spouse, retirement fund blah de blah de blah – you are awesome – sometimes you are a great source of inspiration – take a sip too

To that friend who taught me the value of a rupee – it could be just a rupee to you but you just made that kid lose value in a rupee by giving him Rs 50. That was after a lil kid asked me for a rupee and I gave him a 50 bill.

To that friend who can shed a tear for friendship.

To that friend, well the one who taught me what it is to be a friend, every single day of my life.

To that friend, who heard me rant on and on and on.

To that friend, guide, supporter, mentor and everything – I have learnt so much from you, I thank my stars for having you in my life.

To that friend and a person I look up to, if I could be half a man that you are – I can die peacefully believing I have lived my life.

Last but definitely not the least my beautiful chelli. Sometimes I wonder if we were born to the same parents, her - so gorgeous and I, well you know me! I am very happy I could also call her my friend and proud to see the woman she has turned into.

Here’s to all you people, to people I am getting to know and to this journey called life.

Mood : Cranky

Music: Emosanal Athyaachaar from Dev D.

equality, my foot - 2

Thank you for your comments people on the first blog. I also want to share some information - the Pride week in Bangalore is a huge hit. Many GLBT people were there celebrating their gayness. Many straight allies (like myself) were also there showing their support to humanity. Now India is really shining, I guess.

I do believe self acceptance is important but do you know how cops here in Bangalore treat Gay people. They hit them, levy un-necessary fines etc. Imagine at a job interview if you are openly gay, would you get a job. A friend of mine and myself together did an experiment back while I was in Utah. We applied to the same job in different ways. Everything in those resumes is the same except the name. We had on there a Muslim name, a Hindu name, a person who is openly gay and the original name. Guess who got the job. Then we changed the qualification and skill set - the resume with original name has minimal qualification/skill sets of all the resumes. You would not be surprised as to whose resume was short listed. (The original name, in case you did not guess). All the companies we applied to claimed they hire people from every background (the usual disclaimer riff raff). So where is equality?

Many of you who read my blog are people who know me on a personal level. You know at least a few things about me. I would like to ask you openly if you would be the same if I say I am Gay. I have gotten an answer already which is a NO. I do respect the person’s opinion and I promise I wont judge you all based on what you think. So please be honest and open. You can email me on dheerajvalkya@gmail.com in case you are not too comfortable for people to see your reply. But before answering the question I would like you to ponder over the times we have had together. Think about me as a person, as a friend, as a brother and how it would affect you. Thank you in advance for your time.

I guess I am done for today. I am very sick and the thoughts are overwhelming. There are so many thoughts right now; I feel my brain could explode. On a different note, B-schools in Bangalore (I guess many in India) have banned gum (as in chewing gum, bubble gum etc) in their campuses. Their reason for doing so – their students, the future business/management people should have good behavior/manners. I laughed out loud because in my engineering college we were not allowed to wear Jeans. How about banning writing utensils, you make mistakes while planning for a business deal. How about food because it makes us fart in a meeting room. I feel B-schools are going bonkers because of the in-coming student traffic because of recession.

My closing comment in equality – 1 is by Russell Peters. In this blog the pictures are from Peeves.

equality, my foot

It has been quite a while since I posted a blog. Its 1.39 am, perfect for posting something or so it seems. Today has got me thinking about lot of things. Through this blog, I intend to put forth my views about GLBT community. GLBT - Gay Lesbian Bi-sexual and Transgender. The definitions from Safe Zone Training:

(Bisexual: A bisexual is one who has significant sexual and romantic attractions to members of both the same and opposite sex.

Gay: This word appeared in popular culture in the 1970’s to describe homosexuals. It is used mainly as an adjective and underscores sexual orientation as one aspect of an individual, not as the total individual.

Lesbian: The term Lesbian originates from ancient Greece where the homosexual poet Sappho lived on the isle of Lesbos with other Greek women. It is from these isles that the term originates. Homosexual women sometimes prefer the term Lesbian as opposed to the generic term “Gay”. This term acknowledges the fact that homosexual women have different priorities and experiences than homosexual men.

Transgender: A person whose core gender identity is different from their biological gender identity. A transgender person is someone who switches gender roles, whether it is once or many times.)

The GLBT community is growing, especially in India, I have heard it time and again, sometimes I was personally told that the rise in number is alarming. When asked about what’s really alarming – there generally is no reply. So I feel it my moral responsibility to address the ignorance and I see a great need for a discussion/dialogue about homophobia. In a given day, you can usually hear at least one person use the phrase, “that’s gay”, to express their discontent with something. To start with, the word gay is not a synonym for Stupid. This kind of atmosphere forces GLBT people to keep that aspect of their life in the “closet”.

Imagine a time in your life when you have complained about how you were not able to chose a particular career, buy that gadget you have noticed at the store, how you felt when you were not accepted on to your school’s cricket/volley ball team, how your friends teased you for wearing a weird shirt/sporting a new hair style the list goes on. We feel like we went through a lot, to tell the story. Well guess what, GLBT people have to do that on a day to day basis. They get to suppress their feelings while you get to ramble out loud. We tend to defend ourselves or get guarded when somebody says we are privileged, well how about we stand in their shoes for may be an hour! Could we possibly imagine what we might have to go through being there? Apart from calling names, but they use your identity to call things stupid, just like we call somebody an ass. I bet the donkey, might have a problem with that. We are just saved because it cannot express itself – not at least in a language we understand.

“If you are not personally free to be yourself in that most important of all human activities…the expression of love…then life itself loses its meaning.”- Harvey Milk, openly gay San Francisco mayor assassinated in 1978

What does that mean?! You are not allowed the freedom of being yourself? For most engineers it’s like asking you to choose Biology in place of mathematics. You are an engineer because you chose math long back. You are what you are today because of the choices you made. (Your freedom to choose). How would you feel, if that is taken away from you, by people you do not know at all, by your best bud, your parents, your neighbors. Or by people who are the best of criminals, (who should be ripped apart with a jagged knife) – who call themselves the government. Would you survive? How hard would life get? Heck! Forget all that. Don’t you complain to your HR personnel if you are subjected to improper behavior from your manager? He/she is the one who hired you, pays you and all, but still you demand your right for respect. Is it a crime for GLBT to expect the same?

All through our childhood, the education system teaches us to be honest, truthful and what not! But it never highlighted the ramifications of being so. I vividly remember Gandhiji’s story where he did not know the spelling to a word (‘kettle actually) and refused to copy from his neighbor only to be laughed at later. Little do we realize the courage he had to have to stand up for himself? GLBT people are almost going through the same, Name calls, lost identities, living a lie, rejection – the list goes on. But do I see their courage in coming out of the closet being rewarded – No. Absolutely not! I would like to ask, why that is so.

And some of us, we sometimes act in ways that are oppressive, though that is not our intent. Unfortunately, whether we intend it or not, it has the same effect. We forget being heterosexual is not a choice. Neither is being homosexual. They are just born that way – just like the color of our skin,

One huge reason I hear often for rejecting GLBT from the community – religion and culture. It drives me barmy mad that we use controversial topics like these for judging. I am in the first place who the heck are you to judge a person’s sexual preferences. Secondly, let me quote some Hindu mythology here. When Lord Vishnu has taken the form of Mohini and Lord Shiva fell in love with her – I want to ask whether that is ok. They then have a son too. Wow! We identify Vishnu and Shiva as men. So, what does their relationship signify?!

It is a very long and difficult struggle for many GLBT people to “come out” because they often have to confront many homophobic attitudes and discriminatory practices along the way. Many need to struggle with their own negative stereotypes and feeling of homophobia which they learned when they were growing up. . Then, many gays begin to make decisions about whom to tell that they are gay. Many gays are afraid to “come out” to their friends and family. They fear rejection, harassment, being thrown out of family/house, arrested in some parts of India, losing jobs, physical violence and many more. All they expect from you is a smile, may be a hug, a pat on the back and to just say being gay is fine, last but definitely not the least your support. Remember how you took your friend back after you have known that he/she is short tempered. Being short tempered is a weakness but being gay is not. I re-iterate - it’s just how you are born.

We all learned oppressive, homophobic beliefs. We did not ask to be taught them. While we now have the opportunity to take responsibility for them, it is not our fault that we learned them. Change hinges on our ability to separate fault from responsibility. (Safe zone training manual)

I have had the privilege to know about this community through the Safe Zone training I have attended while I was in the US. That helped me change my perspective about gays. Safe zone training is what universities in general provide to people who are willing and able to provide support, provide information and confidentiality regarding the GLBT issues. I am not asking you to change yourself this very minute. All I want is a promise that when you have those 10 precious extra minutes you will ponder over what I have written. Have a look at the picture I have attached. That picture reminds me always that no matter where we are

born, how we are born, to who we are born we are all human. We are all alike. I support – helped me while I was a resident advisor, while I was helping out with the LGBT center at the U, in many leadership roles. It now sits at my workstation also. Seeing it everyday reminds me of my moral responsibility. Hope it can help you in some way.

This blog is not done. I would be following it up with more information about safe zone training, gender identity, issues related to heterosexism, coming out etc.

I don’t know what’s the big deal about same sex marriages, I have bigger things to worry about – Arranged marriages.

me!

I think I am weird sometimes. I think about food all the time. Is that normal? Mind you its all forms of food, anything that has to do with food, I dream about pastas, pairing the pasta with wines, the cold avocado soup and my new favorite the spicy-cold cilantro soup, i dream about the mudda pappu with avakai (thats the best pairing ever), I think about the awesome bajjis and punugus on the road side stall, pani puri and chat slurp, the different flavored bread pudding I made for my clients, the rice festival I held for another client, the 18 types of dosas for another, the big barbecue with the Scott's, my orange and lemon jest pulihora and I think about the dinners I made for my clients, friends, God (as offering) while i was back in Salt Lake City, how I used to ride my motorbike to the venue, cook exotic food and then go for a looong ride (that kinda became a routine). All that was something very close to my heart. After moving to India I feel I miss doing that. All I do here is to run along with the world to earn big bucks from a job I thought would satisfy me but apparently I deceived myself. As Leonardo DaVinci said "The greatest deception men(/women - added by me ;) )suffer is from their own opinion". I yearn to get those days back. It doesn't do good to keep thinking about the past - true that, but what if I intend to make my past my future. Grab my set of Knives (which I left back in SLC), put my jacket on, hop on Dhannu (that's my bike - you can see my bike in my profile pic of the blog) and just ride. Taking up cooking assignments on the way and just go! whoa some dream isn't it? But the day is not far when this would be realized. My Dhannu is still waiting for me in SLC. Its almost time - I can feel it.

So guys wish me oh sorry and girls wish me luck! Pray for me.
Before I end this ramble or what ever it is, just want to mention some beautiful cooking moments I had back in the US.

The day I made chocolate flavored bread pudding topped with hot chocolate sauce, hint of cinnamon - that is what I called Chocolate Nirvana - just by revealing the ingredients got $200 paid by a gentleman who gave me 2 assignments after that.

The night when I made Garlic chicken wings for Native American (Navajo) reservation. OK a lil back ground. There is a service center - Bennion Center at the Univ of Utah which does service trips every spring break. I coordinated one of the trips to the Native American reservation, helping them with their chores, provide info regarding sanitation etc. We were put up with a native family. The head of the family, Berna is 85 years old and stays with her daughter. The daughter's son and his family come over for dinner everyday. So I cooked for them that night. Berna who usually doesn't each chicken had 3 helpings. Her family loved the food and gorged on happily till the last bit. I had no problem cuz I am a veggie and I was happy gorging on their bread.

Come tomorrow - It was some day of celebration to the Navajo and Berna being an influential member of the reservation volunteered me to cook for the elders. Reality hit me like a thunderbolt - I had to cook for 25 people with meager resources.
Fortunately I took some bombai ravva with me (I usually carry my spices on me and since that was my second time going there, I took some BR to teach them how to make Indian food). I got early (like at 4 am) and set the fire wood for cooking. Elders flocked around me to see what I was doing and I knew there were passing comments(everybody was laughing). Anyways I made Upma (took 4 kgs of that ravva - FYI), to go with it, the traditional roasted groundnut chutney and Rasam as soup - called it Mulligatawny ;) Anyways I cooked for them on that auspicious day and boy were they happy! I vivdly remember one of the kids (english speaking) saying that was one of her best meals or something along those lines ;)

Cooking at One world cafe! You eat there, you either pay for the food or volunteer at the cafe for how much ever time you feel depending on the value you set for the food. "One world - Everybody eats" is their motto. There is no way you gotta think that food there is of less appreciable quality. Decent chefs in SLC volunteer there. When I offered my services they had doubts, because i was introduced to them as an Engineering grad student. The masala dal came to my rescue. Its one of my favorites and by adding a hint of lime, it gave a new flavor to the dish itself. Then made the world famous Hyderabad biryani and paired it with mint lemon chiller (our lemon soda with mint ;) ) then another personal fave of mine - green rice. I had gala time over there volunteering in every way possible and that place has changed the way I looked at things, food, people and hunger.


As I mentioned before, my days are not too far away - Chocolate flavored Grease!!