equality, my foot

It has been quite a while since I posted a blog. Its 1.39 am, perfect for posting something or so it seems. Today has got me thinking about lot of things. Through this blog, I intend to put forth my views about GLBT community. GLBT - Gay Lesbian Bi-sexual and Transgender. The definitions from Safe Zone Training:

(Bisexual: A bisexual is one who has significant sexual and romantic attractions to members of both the same and opposite sex.

Gay: This word appeared in popular culture in the 1970’s to describe homosexuals. It is used mainly as an adjective and underscores sexual orientation as one aspect of an individual, not as the total individual.

Lesbian: The term Lesbian originates from ancient Greece where the homosexual poet Sappho lived on the isle of Lesbos with other Greek women. It is from these isles that the term originates. Homosexual women sometimes prefer the term Lesbian as opposed to the generic term “Gay”. This term acknowledges the fact that homosexual women have different priorities and experiences than homosexual men.

Transgender: A person whose core gender identity is different from their biological gender identity. A transgender person is someone who switches gender roles, whether it is once or many times.)

The GLBT community is growing, especially in India, I have heard it time and again, sometimes I was personally told that the rise in number is alarming. When asked about what’s really alarming – there generally is no reply. So I feel it my moral responsibility to address the ignorance and I see a great need for a discussion/dialogue about homophobia. In a given day, you can usually hear at least one person use the phrase, “that’s gay”, to express their discontent with something. To start with, the word gay is not a synonym for Stupid. This kind of atmosphere forces GLBT people to keep that aspect of their life in the “closet”.

Imagine a time in your life when you have complained about how you were not able to chose a particular career, buy that gadget you have noticed at the store, how you felt when you were not accepted on to your school’s cricket/volley ball team, how your friends teased you for wearing a weird shirt/sporting a new hair style the list goes on. We feel like we went through a lot, to tell the story. Well guess what, GLBT people have to do that on a day to day basis. They get to suppress their feelings while you get to ramble out loud. We tend to defend ourselves or get guarded when somebody says we are privileged, well how about we stand in their shoes for may be an hour! Could we possibly imagine what we might have to go through being there? Apart from calling names, but they use your identity to call things stupid, just like we call somebody an ass. I bet the donkey, might have a problem with that. We are just saved because it cannot express itself – not at least in a language we understand.

“If you are not personally free to be yourself in that most important of all human activities…the expression of love…then life itself loses its meaning.”- Harvey Milk, openly gay San Francisco mayor assassinated in 1978

What does that mean?! You are not allowed the freedom of being yourself? For most engineers it’s like asking you to choose Biology in place of mathematics. You are an engineer because you chose math long back. You are what you are today because of the choices you made. (Your freedom to choose). How would you feel, if that is taken away from you, by people you do not know at all, by your best bud, your parents, your neighbors. Or by people who are the best of criminals, (who should be ripped apart with a jagged knife) – who call themselves the government. Would you survive? How hard would life get? Heck! Forget all that. Don’t you complain to your HR personnel if you are subjected to improper behavior from your manager? He/she is the one who hired you, pays you and all, but still you demand your right for respect. Is it a crime for GLBT to expect the same?

All through our childhood, the education system teaches us to be honest, truthful and what not! But it never highlighted the ramifications of being so. I vividly remember Gandhiji’s story where he did not know the spelling to a word (‘kettle actually) and refused to copy from his neighbor only to be laughed at later. Little do we realize the courage he had to have to stand up for himself? GLBT people are almost going through the same, Name calls, lost identities, living a lie, rejection – the list goes on. But do I see their courage in coming out of the closet being rewarded – No. Absolutely not! I would like to ask, why that is so.

And some of us, we sometimes act in ways that are oppressive, though that is not our intent. Unfortunately, whether we intend it or not, it has the same effect. We forget being heterosexual is not a choice. Neither is being homosexual. They are just born that way – just like the color of our skin,

One huge reason I hear often for rejecting GLBT from the community – religion and culture. It drives me barmy mad that we use controversial topics like these for judging. I am in the first place who the heck are you to judge a person’s sexual preferences. Secondly, let me quote some Hindu mythology here. When Lord Vishnu has taken the form of Mohini and Lord Shiva fell in love with her – I want to ask whether that is ok. They then have a son too. Wow! We identify Vishnu and Shiva as men. So, what does their relationship signify?!

It is a very long and difficult struggle for many GLBT people to “come out” because they often have to confront many homophobic attitudes and discriminatory practices along the way. Many need to struggle with their own negative stereotypes and feeling of homophobia which they learned when they were growing up. . Then, many gays begin to make decisions about whom to tell that they are gay. Many gays are afraid to “come out” to their friends and family. They fear rejection, harassment, being thrown out of family/house, arrested in some parts of India, losing jobs, physical violence and many more. All they expect from you is a smile, may be a hug, a pat on the back and to just say being gay is fine, last but definitely not the least your support. Remember how you took your friend back after you have known that he/she is short tempered. Being short tempered is a weakness but being gay is not. I re-iterate - it’s just how you are born.

We all learned oppressive, homophobic beliefs. We did not ask to be taught them. While we now have the opportunity to take responsibility for them, it is not our fault that we learned them. Change hinges on our ability to separate fault from responsibility. (Safe zone training manual)

I have had the privilege to know about this community through the Safe Zone training I have attended while I was in the US. That helped me change my perspective about gays. Safe zone training is what universities in general provide to people who are willing and able to provide support, provide information and confidentiality regarding the GLBT issues. I am not asking you to change yourself this very minute. All I want is a promise that when you have those 10 precious extra minutes you will ponder over what I have written. Have a look at the picture I have attached. That picture reminds me always that no matter where we are

born, how we are born, to who we are born we are all human. We are all alike. I support – helped me while I was a resident advisor, while I was helping out with the LGBT center at the U, in many leadership roles. It now sits at my workstation also. Seeing it everyday reminds me of my moral responsibility. Hope it can help you in some way.

This blog is not done. I would be following it up with more information about safe zone training, gender identity, issues related to heterosexism, coming out etc.

I don’t know what’s the big deal about same sex marriages, I have bigger things to worry about – Arranged marriages.